Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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