I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
