I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize