it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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