The maid of honor just puked.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
