I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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