OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
