So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
