Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
In other news, I just burned my penis
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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