i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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