All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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