Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
