Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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