He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
