He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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