We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
