A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize