Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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