I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
