She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
