I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
