Heybabeimwearingurpanties
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
