I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
