is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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