9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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