As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
