Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
