look no pants
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
this hospital has no fireball
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
