well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
