I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
