ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
