Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
