guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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