sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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