I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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