White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize