I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize