I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
