tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
