the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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