Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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