Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
