i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
