Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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