Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
