Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize