filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
