Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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