absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nicole vs. Life
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
