he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
