The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
