i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
