I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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