here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
