drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
