If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
