you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
