Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
