You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
