I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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