I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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