Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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