are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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