So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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