the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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