I accidentally burped into my bong.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
