How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
