I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
