Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
