90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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