he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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