I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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